What's The Frequency, Kenneth?

I found out today why this song was named as it was. And like the subject of the song, I feel like I am being beaten up by a couple, well more than a couple, of useless, insane people with no grip on reality.

I'm sitting there watching Newcastle v West Ham, and Owen barely gets in the penalty area. He's unfit you morons. Sort him out.

Drogba. I paid a lot of money for 15 goals. Stop crying over Jose and get yourself fit.

Neville, you lazy socialist millionaire, not singing the national advert, Citizen Millionaire Smith layabout. Get yourself fit.

And you Duff. Fit. Now.

And you Given. Fit. Get picked. Now.

Bianchi. How much. Get picked.

You can f*ck off Benjani. Now I've got Knau he'll either get unfit or be dropped. No doubt for Benjani.

McSheffrey. Do one. When I think of an apt replacement, I will.

Stubbs. Jesus. Did you wait for me to pick you before you pulled the ladder up.

Put the bloody lot of them on benzadrine - uh-huh.

Yo! Iceman - Word to your Mutha

As you have slumped to the foot of the League perhaps it is time to make a few transfers? Saha and Clichy in maybe?

You are in danger of being "served" by the League that brought us the Blacksell/ Robertson combination and I do not consider this an edifying prospect. Pull yer finger out and restrict being atrocious to your rhymin' and do not extend it to your FFL performance.

Oh, Misery, Misery

5 points.

Jesus. Can this team get any worse?

C'mon Pat, wind me up, tell me how good your team has been.

Has been. That's a good phrase.

Why did I pick up Benjani? He hasn't played since. Has anyone seen Shay Given? I picked up Stubbs, he picked up an injury? Why is Bianchi not playing? Who is Gary McSheffrey and when will be sold to a Championship club? I have £17million to spare, I think I'll buy Darren Bent, or more productively, set it on fire......

28 point weekend

Not sure when I last had one of these. Courtesy of Blackburn and Newcastle defenders plus even Downing got his second goal of the season. A surge to the top of the table. Will need to decide what to do with Sidwell and Benayoun who are not exactly having much opportunity to score any points.

Sums It All Up For Me...

I got it bad, you don't know how bad I got it
You got it easy, you don't know when you've got it good
It's getting harder just keeping the defence together
I'm sick of my midfield even if I thought it could
Too few goals is biting through each and every nerve and fibre
My broken spirit is frozen to the core
I don't wanna be here no more….

Bent 5 points. That's it. Cheers to Rob Styles for denying me a clean sheet.

You must be joking, you don't know a thing about it
You got no problem, I'd stay right there if it were you
I got it harder, you couldn't dream how hard I got it
Stay outta my shoes if you know what's good for you
The team is minging, burning me up from the inside
The lack of points, will they ever score...
I don't wanna be here no more.....

The Days Of Pearly Spencer

Barnsley, Bournemouth, Northampton, CHELSEA.... your boys took a hell of a beating.

My colleague in crime's reminiscences on a woeful penalty shoot out record had me thinking. I'm remembering penalty shoot out successes for my beloved Lions. The best of which was when John "Pearly" Spencer stuck that one just close enough for one case of stella to save it. And Crabb was in Turkmenistan with Sipurmat Niyazov and his crazy book.

That Northampton shootout was legendary as the Cobblers and the even more Cobblers fought out a 2-0 thriller, with Paul Allen's kick to win nearly clearing the South Stand at the New London Stadium. We had Nigel Spink in goal, they had big John Gayle up front. Oh, those were the days my friend...

Defeats are like imposters in the night. We have the mighty Arsenal and their big-headed Seaman, the despicable, horrible Swindon Town on a night no-one remembers. Birmingham did it to us in the League Cup, and Norwich did it to us in the ZDS Cup. We lost in the Johnstone Paints to the mighty Brighton last season as well. Wonderful. Remember Rushden and Diamonds? That supernova of a team. Yep. They beat us. Underwood scored the winning penalty I recall. Dodgy name, Underwood.

Talking of penalties, I'm not sure I've got a penalty taker in my FL team this season. How remiss of me. I am so out of practice. Where's Andy Cole these days?

So Pearly don't you shed more tears
For those best forgotten years

Could be this one.

I'm out. Like Neil McDonald.

I Like Chopra-in

And for me 7 points with another goal from Chopra plus assists from Malouda and Apache Tevez. Have I picked this seasons Kevin Doyle or Marcus Stewart? Let's hope so. My defence is still resplendent and no clean sheets no goals against. Maybe I should have just made sure it stayed that way.

Am observing the situation with the "Big 4" and their squad rotation with interest - would it be better to get 30 games from someone from a "lesser" club or say 10 games from someone like Benayoun or Sidwell? I don't know, thats why I'm no longer any good at this game.

Interestingly I went to bed on Tuesday night thinking Ipswich had put the MK Dons to the sword 3-2 aet. Then I read in the paper the next morning they equalised in the 120th minute and won 5-3 on pens. Ipswich have won 1 of the last 9 penalty shoot-outs we have been involved with.