From The Archives....1

Oh Yes. Remember the trouble this caused....

PAT CAUTHERY (WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM THE RANT-MEISTER) AND HIS LOVELY HALF-TERM REPORT ON THE PREMIER LEAGUE

HEADMASTERS HALF TERM REPORT – SET ONE

BUTLER, G

As the youngest member of the class, I suppose it should not come as a surprise that Gareth has exhibited a certain lack of maturity this term. This has particularly been evidenced by Gareth’s tendency to try to pick all the best crayons before the other boys in the class have had the chance to choose. This disruptive behaviour must stop – form teacher Mr Boyce has my full authority to punish Gareth severely should it happen again. Mr Butler should abide by the School Rules and not seek to re-write them. It is also disappointing that Gareth seems to have slipped backwards from last years good work. He has been struggling to stay with the rest of the class – indeed he was inexplicably absent entirely from the first couple of weeks.

Half-term mark - D

HANNAH, D

After toiling to reach the top set David’s results in class have shown that at this level effort is not enough and some natural aptitude for the subjects being taught needs to be shown. Sadly David has been shown to be lacking in this area although his positive attitude in the presence of so many clearly brighter boys is to be commended. David still believes that he will finish top of the class, evidenced by his taunting of more able pupils, and I have recommended that he see the school psychiatrist. Another who must understand that the School Rules have been in place for a lot longer than he has been in the top class.

Half-term mark - F

TAYLOR, R

I was surprised at Raymond’s good performance last year and he thoroughly deserved his place in the top set after many years of struggle. However this term Raymond has been very quiet and perhaps overawed by some of the other boys. He was rumoured to be a difficult pupil, and certainly had a reputation as the school entrepreneur and technical wizard. His behaviour at the annual school prize-giving in the past few years has been a source of embarrassment. His performance, in terms of his behaviour and his ability has been a surprise. He has found the work difficult and often hands in work several weeks after the other boys (this contrasts with Gareth whose work is often submitted before it is actually handed out) and his disruptive influence has been minimal.

Half-term mark - D


MICHAELSON, S

An excellent terms work from Simon. Top of the class and I am hopeful that he will not let his standards slip later in the year as unfortunately happened two years ago. It is slightly worrying that Simon tends to panic when it appears that other boys are getting high marks and I hope that this will not cloud his mind when it comes to those vital exams in the last few weeks of the term. Simon is a quiet, studious pupil, who benefits from his various school outings to enhance his knowledge. His neurosis and diffidence may be his undoing at the end of year examinations. His distance from the under-achieving pupils has allowed him to concentrate on better classwork. He must not be intimidated by the rather noisy Head Boy, but focus on his ever improving work.

Half-term mark - A

LYNCH, P (Head Boy)

Peter L has continued his excellent work of last year and has not wasted any opportunities to remind me, his form teacher or the other pupils of this. Peter L is always first to raise his hand in class, usually a signal for bombardment with a hail of paper aeroplanes and rubbers from the other boys. My only concern is that Peter L continues to concentrate on his work and is not distracted by trips to Turkey, popular music groups such as S-Club 7 and causing tremors at the local girls school.

Half-term mark - A-

GEORGE, N

As the former head boy in Basildon Kindergarten, high standards are always expected from Nicholas and yet again I am afraid that while his performance in class has been adequate, it can be said to be no more than that. Nicholas should bear in mind the fate of another talented boy who thought that the bare minimum of work would be enough to get by, Christopher Leeds. Next year Nicholas must set an example to the other impressionable boys by finishing in the top half of the class (preferably top). He may be better channelling his energies towards his own work, rather than moaning at the standard of work Master Graham is allowed to contribute at Tottenham Technical School.

Half-term mark - B- (in view of high expectations)

CRABB, P

Peter C is a confident young man who is always top of the staff room sweepstake to finish bottom of the class. I have been quite impressed by Peter C’s results this term which have improved without the disruptive influence of Christopher Sutton who was expelled last year. A good term’s effort although Peter should realise that he is unlikely ever to finish top of the class. His role as the class sports club chairman has distracted him, and despite staying after school repeatedly, in an attempt to catch up more able pupils, his hard work and diligence rarely pays off.

Half-term mark - C+ (for effort)

CAUTHERY, P
Patrick has shown a remarkable tenacity in getting his work done, without ever using the excuses of faulty pens and calculators. His effort has been first rate, if not quite in the stratosphere of ability this year. He tends to get depressed at his failure to pass all of his exams last term, constantly looking up to the Head Boy when the going gets a bit more tough. His attitude to the more recalcitrant individuals in the class is always constructive. I am concerned that concentration may waver due to a lack of sleep, so could Mrs Cauthery please ensure that he is in bed by 9 o’clock please?