Shambles

First weekend and I get the princely sum of 1 goal. From some Italian dude at West Ham, who must have been inspired by my secret prayers to stick one on those malevolent biscuit magnate boys from East London.

I nabbed three assists - Kuyt, McSheffrey and someone else who I can't remember. Oh yes, Toure.

Now here is a confession. I've not seen one goal from the weekend. Not one. Nil. Nada. That's how much the "best league in the world" interests me. I've got Match of the Day on Sky Plus, but given my time limitations these days, I'll get the spare time to watch it at about Christmas.

I'm a little bit miffed at an Arsenal defender being sold to Birmingham (well loaned). That isn't in the bloody script.

I'll run through my team a little when time allows.

Shame about Wayne Rooney. No, really, it is a shame. Honest. A shame it wasn't Cristiano Ronaldo.

Phoned my brother up from the cricket to find out the final scores. His assessment of Man Utd? "No strikers". "They played Nani, looks like one, plays like one." There's one of the "finest young talents in the world today" dismissed.

Mate heard on the tube yesterday West Ham fans wanting Curbishley sacked. I have no West Ham players in my team. Their performances affect me neither one way or the other.

Main performer of the week for me - Bianchi. No idea of his first name and can't be bothered to look. A goal. My only goal. Get fit soon, Droggers.

Oh Dear of the week - not my fault, but the geezer Birmingham have on loan. Thanks a bunch when I have no access to a PC to get him out of my team in time. Loan him the week before, eh?